As I approached the BIG FOUR ZERO, Noel and I had a few conversations about mid-life crisis. We know a number of couples in our age group where either the husband or the wife went off the rails badly in or near their forties. Now that I am 40, I have been giving this some thought ... trying to make some sense to this. This is what I feel:
At 40 we have been working for about 20 years and we have about 20 years left in our working life. So it is a time when we reminisce, when we contemplate what we have accomplished or acheived. We recall the high points and the low points and try to understand how did we get to where we are right now. Maybe its a type of catharsis .. a cleansing of emotions and thoughts as we prepare for the next 20 years.
I can understand that if the reflection results in feelings of dissapointment that there will be a bit of panic ... kind of like swimming in the ocean - giving it your all to reach the beach - and when you look up you see that the beach is still a long way off.
The thing is this ... how do you measure where you are? If you base it purely on your own expectation then you are almost guarenteed to be dissapointed because we all tend to be unrealistic in our expectations ( retire when I am 45 .... yeah right ... ) So what is our benchmark? I used to often look at my peers and use them as a benchmark ... but this too is a fallacy. I look at others in my age group who are Directors or VP's or MD's or C-level execs ... and I think that I should be where they are? Realistically ... and I am grateful for being a realist ... I answer no. They are not my benchmark.
My benchmark is my inner-self. Right now ... how do I feel? If I am happy and content given the circumstances that I find myself in ... if yes - then I count myself to be successful. You see ... realistically speaking ... I had the opportunity to get to where they are. I had the job offer from ABSA bank and Nedbank and I could have used my relationships with Vodacom to get in with them. I could have taken up the opportunity to join Oracle or at any time in my life I could have chosen to move to Johannesburg where the exec opportunities are ... but I chose not to. And I was not forced to ... in each case it was a carefully considered and weighted decision. It was a decision not to give up the lifestyle in Durban that kept me and my family together. It was a decision not to get caught up in the rat-race where I saw many, many of my friends lose their families in favour of the corporate world and so-called success. And having consciously made those decisions it would be unfair to myself and to my family to benchmark myself to them.
The truth of the matter is ..... my family comes before my career. So I measure my success on the success of my family and my ability to give them that most precious commodity ...... my time.
My greatest sadnesss then comes from a family that does not appreciate this .................
At 40 we have been working for about 20 years and we have about 20 years left in our working life. So it is a time when we reminisce, when we contemplate what we have accomplished or acheived. We recall the high points and the low points and try to understand how did we get to where we are right now. Maybe its a type of catharsis .. a cleansing of emotions and thoughts as we prepare for the next 20 years.
I can understand that if the reflection results in feelings of dissapointment that there will be a bit of panic ... kind of like swimming in the ocean - giving it your all to reach the beach - and when you look up you see that the beach is still a long way off.
The thing is this ... how do you measure where you are? If you base it purely on your own expectation then you are almost guarenteed to be dissapointed because we all tend to be unrealistic in our expectations ( retire when I am 45 .... yeah right ... ) So what is our benchmark? I used to often look at my peers and use them as a benchmark ... but this too is a fallacy. I look at others in my age group who are Directors or VP's or MD's or C-level execs ... and I think that I should be where they are? Realistically ... and I am grateful for being a realist ... I answer no. They are not my benchmark.
My benchmark is my inner-self. Right now ... how do I feel? If I am happy and content given the circumstances that I find myself in ... if yes - then I count myself to be successful. You see ... realistically speaking ... I had the opportunity to get to where they are. I had the job offer from ABSA bank and Nedbank and I could have used my relationships with Vodacom to get in with them. I could have taken up the opportunity to join Oracle or at any time in my life I could have chosen to move to Johannesburg where the exec opportunities are ... but I chose not to. And I was not forced to ... in each case it was a carefully considered and weighted decision. It was a decision not to give up the lifestyle in Durban that kept me and my family together. It was a decision not to get caught up in the rat-race where I saw many, many of my friends lose their families in favour of the corporate world and so-called success. And having consciously made those decisions it would be unfair to myself and to my family to benchmark myself to them.
The truth of the matter is ..... my family comes before my career. So I measure my success on the success of my family and my ability to give them that most precious commodity ...... my time.
My greatest sadnesss then comes from a family that does not appreciate this .................
